Thank You God, ( I Think)

Blankety, Blank and damn it, life just isn’t fair

If it will happen to me it could happen to you, so you had better beware

I’ve never been really prejudiced, well maybe just a bit

And God has gone way out of his way to bring my attention to it

Willy, that’s my dog, we found him at the pound and had to pick him up

He started out as such a promising pup

But alas, to my chagrin

We had him neutered and that when the trouble started to begin

I have to admit it and I am afraid to say

That my Dog Willy is gay

That’s right, my biggest nightmare come true as far as I can tell

My Dog is BIG, He is Black,  He is Gay, and he smells

He certainly isn’t what I wanted, he certainly isn’t what I planned

Why God gave him to me, I’ll never understand

He lifts his paw daintily while lapping up his water

And when he peas, he no longer lifts his leg, but has become a squatter

He’s always swishing around and wagging his tail, I almost have to gag

And he rearranges all of our furniture with every single wag

Willy Farts, not little things that can be overlooked

But huge, humongous, horrible gigantic farts that are worthy of the record books

Whenever Willy is not chewing up things he is licking himself to remove every flea and bug

He tries to lick himself in places that defy imagination and rolls around our rug

He grunts and groans at the places he can’t reach

And lets go one of his room clearing farts that makes everyone screech

Willy the Dog is a coward

He avoids vacuum cleaners,  small children blowing bubbles

And especially anything new that foreshadows trouble

On the Forth of July he hides under the bed

And On New Years Eve he hides in the closet instead

Willy will hide at the thought of a mouse

Willy leaves crumbs and torn pieces of used Kleenex all over the house

In the morning I can’t finish my coffee

Before Willy brings his walking leash to me

He knocks over everything on his way out the door

And pulls on my arm until its worn out and sore

He runs from the tree and back to the mail box faster than I can

And he peas on my leg where I happen to stand

All this brings me to moral of my story and close to it’s end

Despite all of his short comings

I am grateful for Willy because he is My Very Best Friend