Getting the Point
I
went to Weight Watchers with my wife after years of great resistance
There
were almost a hundred women and two, maybe three, guys
All
of them struggling for a pointless existence
Woe
is me, no more chili cheeseburgers and French fries
She
said stand here in this line to be weighed in
When
you are thin
You
have got to do this for yourself not me
The
lady up front was giving out ribbons for anyone who lost a pound
I
wanted a ribbon printed with little directions as to where dinner could be found
I
can eat anything I want
As
long as I keep below the maximum points that my program will allow
What
a mean despicable taunt
Give
me one tiny bite of juicy steak and
I want to eat the whole damn cow
I
think the monster who made up the potato chip slogan “Bet you can’t eat just
One”
Was
the same one who started Weight Watchers, the son of a gun
Some
one stood up an talked about banking left over points for later use
I’m
looking for a bank that I can borrow a point of two from that won’t refuse
I
hate veggies and low fat dip
God
if I could only have a full glass of wine instead of just one tiny sip
Fiber,
calories, fat
They
gave me a special slide ruler to keep track of all of that
Don’t
tell me about writing down whatever I eat, no matter where I go
Don’t
even mention getting up and talking in front of that group, I don’t want to
know
And
here’s a thought that will make you wiggle and quiver
Oh
the horror of it all, someone brought up the word liver
That’s
it, that’s where I draw the line
Liver
is my sworn enemy, its definitely no friend of mine
But
alas, I like every other kind of food, I must admit
The
mirror told me so yesterday, when I was standing in front of it
And
I am pretty easy to find when playing hide and seek
So
I’m sad to say that I guess I will be coming back with my wife next week
MikeB